I Like the picture of Jack (above) because it couldn't be a more fake smile. Something I'm certain he's inherited from me. Amy...I'm sure you are nodding your head right now! :) (She's always telling me to smile my "real" smile! :)
They say..."fake it til you make it". This season I've been doing A LOT of that! There is only a handful of close friends with that I'll even let on that I'm having a rough time. It's Christmas, the time to be with one's family, what am I expecting?!! Happiness?? Please! It's just hard to come to the realization that life does in fact move on. People move on. You are no longer on their minds anymore and if you are they are no longer telling you. And that's okay. My grandparents gave me a beautiful picture that reads, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same." I've come to realize that the Lord in His infinite wisdom places people in our lives sometimes only briefly.
I've decided that instead of sitting here realizing what I'm left without, maybe I had better start thinking of what I do have and how truly blessed I really am. I know who those negative feelings are coming from and and I'm NOT going to let him win. I don't have to be sad. I don't have to become reclusive and stay away from my family because I'm in such a mood that I don't want to take out my frustrations on them. I know it's okay to miss Jack and crying is definitely allowed, but sometimes I get the impression that a certain miserable someone wants me to get pretty low into the depths of sorrow and finds happiness in it. And I'm not going to give in to him. I may not be happy all the time, but I try to be and I try even harder to fake it. Because after all, maybe if I fake it long enough things will be good.
I love this picture of Jades and I. It's a genuine smile on both our ends. We are happy! Lately Jaden and I have really started to bond. I am really falling in love with this little boy. He's getting so fun and cute and I am eating up every single second of it. I love that he lets me bite his the sides of his little jawbone and throws his head back for more. His giggle is so contagious! I love that he growls when he gets frustrated...and frustrated he gets. I love that he loves to push the little musical leapster on the fridge and dances around in a circle with a HUGE grin on his cute little face. He's so helpful too! Always wanting to throw away his diapers! That's definitely a treat! He discovered the handle on the toilet and LOVES pushing the handle down. If he notices something that needs to be thrown away, like Jack, he just bends down, picks it up and heads straight for the garbage can....maybe that's where my watch went??!! And have you ever met a kid who LOVES chocolate more than anything??!! If he could live on the stuff he would I assure you! This kid is really a mini-Tif. The day before Coby and I left for D.C., Jades and I had the BEST DAY EVER! We shopped and shopped and worked out and despite the fact that he only got a 20 minute nap and I had YW (always at the same time he goes to bed) he was such a little trooper. I found myself smiling and happy all day. The whole world felt right again. He made my whole day and at the end of the day after we had put him to bed, I went to sleep missing him. Aching to play with him just a little longer. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time....almost 2 years ago in fact. I am going to try harder to be the mom I was on Tuesday. I had more patience and a lot more happiness in my heart than I've felt in a long while....