Saturday, December 04, 2010

Fake it!




I Like the picture of Jack (above) because it couldn't be a more fake smile.  Something I'm certain he's inherited from me.  Amy...I'm sure you are nodding your head right now!  :)  (She's always telling me to smile my "real" smile!  :) 

They say..."fake it til you make it".  This season I've been doing A LOT of that!  There is only a handful of close friends with that I'll even let on that I'm having a rough time.  It's Christmas, the time to be with one's family, what am I expecting?!! Happiness??  Please!   It's just hard to come to the realization that life does in fact move on.  People move on.  You are no longer on their minds anymore and if you are they are no longer telling you.  And that's okay.  My grandparents gave me a beautiful picture that reads, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same."  I've come to realize that the Lord in His infinite wisdom places people in our lives sometimes only briefly.   

 I've decided that instead of sitting here realizing what I'm left without, maybe I had better start thinking of what I do have and how truly blessed I really am.  I know who those negative feelings are coming from and and I'm NOT going to let him win.  I don't have to be sad.  I don't have to become reclusive and stay away from my family because I'm in such a mood that I don't want to take out my frustrations on them.  I know it's okay to miss Jack and crying is definitely allowed, but sometimes I get the impression that a certain miserable someone wants me to get pretty low into the depths of sorrow and finds happiness in it.  And I'm not going to give in to him.  I may not be happy all the time, but I try to be and I try even harder to fake it.  Because after all, maybe if I fake it long enough things will be good. 




I love this picture of Jades and I.  It's a genuine smile on both our ends.  We are happy!  Lately Jaden and I have really started to bond.  I am really falling in love with this little boy.  He's getting so fun and cute and I am eating up every single second of it.  I love that he lets me bite his the sides of his little jawbone and throws his head back for more.  His giggle is so contagious! I love that he growls when he gets frustrated...and frustrated he gets.  I love that he loves to push the little musical leapster on the fridge and dances around in a circle with a HUGE grin on his cute little face.  He's so helpful too!  Always wanting to throw away his diapers!  That's definitely a treat!  He discovered the handle on the toilet and LOVES pushing the handle down.  If he notices something that needs to be thrown away, like Jack, he just bends down, picks it up and heads straight for the garbage can....maybe that's where my watch went??!!  And have you ever met a kid who LOVES chocolate more than anything??!!  If he could live on the stuff he would I assure you!  This kid is really a mini-Tif.  The day before Coby and I left for D.C., Jades and I had the BEST DAY EVER!  We shopped and shopped and worked out and despite the fact that he only got a 20 minute nap and I had YW (always at the same time he goes to bed) he was such a little trooper.  I found myself smiling and happy all day.  The whole world felt right again. He made my whole day and at the end of the day after we had put him to bed, I went to sleep missing him.  Aching to play with him just a little longer.  A feeling I haven't felt in a long time....almost 2 years ago in fact.  I am going to try harder to be the mom I was on Tuesday.  I had more patience and a lot more happiness in my heart than I've felt in a long while....

13 comments:

Posh Petals said...

Tiff sending a hug and a prayer your way. You are so inspiring. I think I should pray more often for Good Mommy days. I shouldn't be praying that my kids won't have those tantrums I need to pray that I can be more patient in handling those tantrums. Love you.

Anonymous said...

scegiOh my sweet little girl,
How Blessed you are to have your boys. I forgot to tell you how much fun they were and how good they were, I forgot to tell you that on Thursday they were so cute, Corbin was watching TV and I was cooking, I turn to look at them as they were so quiet and to my surprise Cobin was sitting on the floor watching tv and on Corbin lap was Jaden sitting there too watching tv, and I thought to my self I wish I had my camera that is one picture you do see to ofter and Corbin had his arm around Jaden as so he wouldn't fall, I was jumping and playing around Jaden on Friday while waiting for Corbin to come home from school and Jaden was watching me jump and trying to do the same. You Tiff are one LUCKY Lady!!! to be Blessed with those special boys, I thank my Heavenly Father for letting me have those boys, I too miss Jackie and I know you are so hurt not to have the littlest Angel who is so busy doing work for Heavenly Father. YOU are a WONDERFUL mother to those boys!!! I love you sweetheart. Lady

Katy said...

Tiff, you are so amazing! I have thought SO many times, that you are always happy and smiling. And I am sure most the time you don't feel like doing it. But you do. You are AMAZING! I love you, look up to you and think of you more than you know. Sending lots of love your way.

Lanae said...

Hey baby girl! You mean the world to me and I'd do anything for ya; thanks for being such a sweetheart and just for being who you are.
XOXO, Little

Ang said...

Tiff, you are amazing and such a wonderful example to all of us. Love you!

The Rich's said...

Well, your faking it is working! I've missed you lately. You know you can always talk to me, even if you think I don't want to hear it. I love you!!!

The Musings Of Mothers said...

I'm sure Jack is so grateful for your courage and strength to get through every hour of every day, growing stronger and more faithful each day, because he knows that will help you return to him in the eternities:)

Love Ya,

Chantelle

Anonymous said...

I don't know you, but I have visited your blog on numerous occasions in the last couple of years. Please don't think people have forgotten about your pain or your sweet baby boy. I don't even know you and I have not forgotten! My heart aches for you and I pray that you may find peace through the season and the years to come.

abbyandcompany said...

Nobody has forgotten about you or that adorable, fat, sweet boy of yours. I think it's a blessing that time passes and seasons change. It means that more joy can shine through the heartache and the hurt sometimes isn't as strong. I'm glad you had such an amazing day with Jaden, it's days like that that seem to keep you hanging on. It's ok. XOXO.

PS...I do love that fake smile of yours....

Anonymous said...

Hey Tiffers,
I have to apologize for being one of those people that probably seems as though they have forgotten you. I assure you that I haven't! I think of others more than I put into action my thoughts of others. I need to be better at calling you and being the kind of "sister" I want/need to be.
We had a great speaker in sacrament meeting last week who spoke on gratitude. There were so many things that touched me but one of the things he mentioned was that as we make an effort to realize and be grateful for what we do have suddenly we have more. I was having a particularly hard day a few weeks ago where I just felt like I was spiraling downward. I had the thought to write in my journal the blessings I have that "money cannot buy", as the hymn goes. I was amazed and even a little surprised at how HUGE of a blessing each entry was. I don't mean to preach to you, only to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping to bring a little comfort from 1,800 miles away. I love you so much and could not forget about you or that sweet little Jackie Ju. In fact, that picture of Jack that Joanne gave us at Christmas time two years ago that's in a little mini frame, hangs on the very top of our Christmas tree each year. He is the adorable sweet angel that adorns the top of our tree, reminding us of what Christmas is really about: our Savior, the Gospel, and Forever Families. You are so amazing Tiffany. I look up to you in many ways and appreciate your smile in whatever condition it may be in at the time. It's beautiful and uplifting. Sorry, I probably should've written you an e-mail or called you instead of taking up all this room but know that you are thought of often by so many people and that your example is admired. No one expects you to be perfect or to even pretend to be perfect. Call me anytime! I love you!

Melanie B said...

OK I SUCK!!!!I am looking at the date stamp on this post and if it's accurate, that day I was thinking and thinking to myself I should call Tiff, I should call Tiff. Did I? Oh no I just thought of you, and didn't call. I shall repent and sin no more. If I had called, what I would have said is to tell Satan to get the 'heck' off your shoulder. He's just sitting there like a little devil whispering in your ear. (He does that with me some days). You're a rock-star an inspiring rock-star mom that I LOVE. AND the quote about footprints on your heart. It's one of my ALL TIME favorites. You leave foot-prints on many hearts.

Sommer said...

Do you think Jackie was pretending to like sitting by me?! :( haha. Love you Tif!!

Ashley Sullenger said...

Darling Christmas card! Thanks for thinking of us. We hope you have a wonderful Christmas season! Thanks for being such a great example, it seems like you and your husband have handled things pretty amazing. It gives us a lot of hope!

Love,
The Sullengers