Sunday, September 23, 2012

Jack's 4th Angelversary

Today marks 4 years that we've been away from our sweet and perfect little Jack.  We miss him more than words could ever say.  Today was also the Brigham City Temple Dedication and we technically didn't have church.  I was secretly...well, I guess it wasn't a secret that I was happy to stay in my jams and reflect on the last 4 years without our little angel.

I feel like we were doing as well as could have been expected until I noticed a cute little blond frantically trying to flee the "scene of the crime." with about a billion little treasures from "Jack".  I didn't want to miss a single bit of all of her efforts to make this day so special for us, so I tried to capture every bit I could.
Here's a framed picture of Christ walking with a blond haired little boy along with a message directly from Jack telling us how he walks daily with Christ.  It was extremely heart felt and geniune and I still can't get through it without crying.  
 
A letter to the whole family (above)
The boys couldn't wait to bust open the silly string and start spraying each other.
Here is Jack's letter to Corbin.  (above)
 
We are planning to paint the picture frames from FHE one night soon and are hoping that Jack graces us with his presence.

I like to think that maybe the veil isn't completely sealed from Jaden and maybe, just maybe Jadesy is giving Jack a GOOD silly string spray down in this picture.
Here's Jaden's letter from Jack. (above)
Even this new soon-to-be little bundle of boy joy got a letter and a little stuffed lamb.  My cup runneth over.
 I LOVE this flower pot and gorgeous blue and white pansies.  I can't see those flowers and not stop to admire their beauty because of this Angel I'm so blessed to know and have in my life.
"There's the smile I can't wait to see....Just to know I'll hold you again is the gift I'll hold until then..."
Jesse Clark Funk

Thank you SO much to the cute little blond that is so humble and modest that I know she's die if I put her name here.  I know who she is.  She knows who she is.  Jack certainly knows who she is.  And most importantly the Lord and our Savior are certainly aware of all of her many efforts she continuously makes to help us feel loved and to remind us that even though Jack may be gone, he's certainly not forgotten.  Thank you M.  You are my little ray of sunshine and I absolutely adore you!

Special thanks to EVERYONE that remembered today for us and left us messages, notes, cards, flowers and treats.  We want you to know just how much we appreciate EVERY SINGLE EFFORT.  It never goes unnoticed and is certainly never taken for granted.  Thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

It's been a hard 4 years without our little Jack.  A lot has happened and our family will have grown by almost 2 more boys, but there will always be a void in our hearts with him here.  I try to imagine what it would be like with one more crazy boy running around this house.  I look at other families who have boys Jack's age and can't help but feel a little sad that our little boy was taken so soon.  We put on a happy face and a face that tells the world that we are fine...but underneath it all, we're still broken.  We've applied all the glue we can find to put the pieces back together, but they just don't all seem to fit like they used to before Jack left us that early fall day in September 4 years ago.  Not a minute goes by that I don't wish more than anything that he were still here.  I wish I could hear his laugh or have him tell me he loved me in a cute little 5 year old voice.  I know he's close at times, but lately he seems to be really busy "doing a great work" as he likes to tell me.  And I'm happy he's busy so that he doesn't have to hurt and long to be with us like we are for him.  I'm sure it's a completely different prospective for him to look in on us and know that time isn't too far off until we're all together again.  I wish I could have that same prospective sometimes.  I wish that I could peek in on him sometimes.

Bottom line is this:  Jack is gone.  He visits fairly often (I feel) and I know he's mostly proud of the way we've handled things.  While it's hard every single day to be without him, I know he's close and for now, that's got to be good enough.  At least Coby and I have an eternal marriage and an eternal family to go along with it.  We're doing our part to ensure that we'll always be together.  We're trying to find the light and seek out the good that has come from this tragedy.  A LOT of good has come as a result of losing our sweet toe head little angel so soon.  We are blessed.  We are OH so blessed.  I thank Him for good family and friends that have held our hands and haven't forgotten that we are still weak and need their shoulders to cry on and their strong backs to lift us when we can't stand.  Jack is helping others on that side and I like to think that maybe we're helping others because of him on this side.

I miss you Jack!  I hope that you are prepping your little brother with all kinds of good things...and maybe even a few pranks too.  I hope that you will tell your little sister that she had better start thinking about joining our family in the next few years because she only has one more opportunity after your brother gets here.   And I MEAN IT!  I love you baby!  Daddy, Corb, Jadesy, all our grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins love and miss you too!  Check in on us every now and then.  We still need you.  Put in a good word for Poppy and Aunt Linda, they're sick you know.  Give Grandma Burton a big hug and tell her we think about her often and that Jaden still loves the blue blanket she made for him.  Love you Lammy Lou!

Love, Mom and Dad and Corb and Jadesy

5 comments:

Chelsey said...

WOW! PRECIOUS! THE TEARS ARE NOW FLOWING! I LOVE HEARING YOUR FAITH AND TESTIMONY! IT STRENGTHENS MINE! WHAT A WONDERFUL FRIEND YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THE LITTLE THINGS! YOU TRULY ARE BLESSED AND YOU DO ENJOY THE MOMENTS! I AM SO SORRY YOU'VE BEEN FACED WITH THIS TRIAL IN YOUR LIFE BUT, HOW UPLIFTING AND HOW STRONG YOU REALLY ARE IS AMAZING! THE LORD REALLY DOES LIFT YOU UP IN YOUR TRIBULATIONS AND CARRIES YOU THRU. THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! AND A BIG HUG!

Camille said...

Have I ever told you how great you are?! :)
What great thoughts and great example. Thanks for sharing.
Love You.

Lanae said...

You are such an amazing example; I love you so much. I know Jack is so proud of his mom and I know he smiles down on you every day. love you honey.

margaret said...

ncne 14What a beautiful, heartfelt post. You are a beautiful writer and we can all feel your love for your family. WE love you!

Jake and Jessica said...

Oh how I have missed you the last couple weeks. What a thoughful, sweet gift from your friend. We miss your sweet little Jack, I know he and Cole would be great friends. You are such a terrific wife, mother, friend and daughter of our Heavenly Father. Your talents are innumerable and you are just a ray of sunshine. I love you girl!