16 months - 3 days old

Today this cute little stinker turned 16 months and 3 days old.

Why is this so significant?  Because 5 1/2 years ago that's the exact age Jack was when he was called home permanently.  After we lost Jack, I wanted a baby more than I have EVER wanted anything in my whole life.  We were so blessed when we were quickly pregnant with Jaden a few weeks later.  The pregnancy was a breeze and I only gained 20 lbs.  Then Jaden arrived and I was head over heels in love with him.  But soon after he was born I felt like something was a little off for me.  Jaden wasn't the easiest baby and I think that subconsciously I wouldn't even allow myself to love him like I loved Jack because there is and always would be a chance that he could be called home as well.  But after he turned 16 months and 3 days...it was like my heart was able to completely open up and love him with all the love that I could possible give and then some.  It was a good feeling.  

Well, today Coleson reached that milestone.  It's no secret that from the start of this pregnancy up until even now, Cole has not exactly been the easiest and most dreamy baby.  He's been a challenge to say the least.  It's been so difficult that the thought of having another baby makes me so exhausted.  Crazy exhausted like when you are so sleep deprived after 3 weeks of a newborn.  Things have gotten better.  He's getting a lot easier, but still seems to be more work than the others.  Coby tells me that I'm just not remembering correctly!  I feel like a complete jerk when I think of others and the challenges they deal with their own children due to illness and different handicaps.  Then I can usually snap out of my funk and see Cole for what he is...just a baby.  A normal baby.  Some babies are easier than others I have come to know.  

I'm just so happy that he's here.  I'm so happy to be his mom.  I love this short tempered little boy more than words could ever say!  He's sick right now.  He has a nasty virus and another ear infection.  He's been running a low grade fever since Sunday on and off.  He's been extra clingy and snuggly (a definite sign that he's not feeling well because he's NEVER snuggly unless he's really tired).  He's happy when he is in the tub taking a bath.  He's been babbling all day and it's the sweetest sounds I've ever heard.  I could sit and watch him do it all day.  I hope he feels better, but I'm enjoying the tender moments I'm being given.