Thursday, October 09, 2008

More Memories of my Jackie Jou



Anyone who has met Mootz has probably gotten their personality head check done. Jack was NO exception. She looked at his head and said, that he'd love music. And I don't know if she told everyone that (I think she did though) but she was right. Jack absolutely loved music. Any kind of music. He loved to sit up to the piano and just pound away and would laugh that grunty, squinty eyed little laugh. He loved it. Jack loved to dance. He would get this great big cheesy grin showing as many teeth as possible with his eyes so squinted I wonder if he could even see. Then he'd bop up and down to the beat of the music. He loved it! And we loved it more! He even dance in his car seat when we'd be driving. I remember driving to either my mom's or Honey's house and the song "Life is a Highway" sung by Rascal Flatts came on. I turned the radio up loud and turned my head to see Jack and Corbin and Jack had that great big smile and was trying to dance while strapped in. It was so cute and fun. I never want to forget. When he was in his high chair thingy attached to the table he would rock backwards and forwards really fast and just giggle. I would copy him and then we'd go back and forth dancing in our chairs. Corbin would do it too and Jack really got a kick out of that.
I have always come up with just ridiculous nicknames for the boys including Coby. Jackie had tons. I called him everything from, my little pumpkin, then it went to pumpkin doodle, then it was Doodle for a long time. Doodle??? I know so weird. Then I started calling him my little Muffin. Then muffin turned into Moofin, then Moofalata. I'd call him Lamb or Lammy and then it Lammy Lou then that turned into just Lou. Then it was Bubba then Bubba-ca-doodle then it was Bubba-ca-deedle-doodle...who knows? I've always made up stupid little songs for both of our boys. They never made sense, but after singing it over and over even Coby would start singing them. One song I'd sing for Jackie went, "Jackie Jackie Jou, Jackie Jou, Jackie Jou, Little tiny Jackie Jou, Jackie Jackie Jou." Another song like this, "Meefalata Moofin, Moofalata Meefin, Moofa, Meefa....Meefalata Moo". How weird is that??? But he LOVED it I know it! Whenever I was looking for him and I could still see him (but knew he couldn't see me) I'd do this: I'd close my mouth, clench my teeth and say, "Chigga Chigga Chigga" really fast over and over. No matter where he was he just start scanning the room looking for me and would get this cute sort of devious little smile. I melt just thinking about it.


He loved closing the armoire doors. He'd open then, then close them over and over. What he really loved was finding a DVD or CD of some kind and would slide it across LCD screen. I think he may have scratched it. I'll treasure that scratch now. He LOVED unplugging everything he could find. He'd unplug the TV, vacuum, and fan. But the most irratating plug was the one that contained the TV and reciever because we'd have to wait like five minutes for it to reset. Oh how I wished he'd just unplug it right now. I'd give anything and wouldn't get mad, but would be so happy to see the look on his face as he did it "on purpose". He loved to play with the fly swatter. He'd just walk around holding it. Often he'd lose it when I would see a stupid fly land and couldn't find where he left it.


I think I mentioned before that he loved the toilet. He just loved the bathroom. No matter how many times I'd hide the nasty, germ infested toilet brush or plunger...he'd always find them again. You'd think I'd learn to put them up into a higher location that he couldn't get. But I'd always catch him walking around with one or the other. Once I thought I'd put the plunger in the garage. I thought that would be a good place since the cars were there and probably couldn't find. WRONG again! I was watering the red petunias in our front garden and lo and behold Jack found the plunger and I couldn't get it away from him. Corbin wanted to ride his bike so there I was trying to get Corbin to come a little closer to our house, Jack had his trusty plunger and of course...here comes one of our neighbors. I often wondered what kind of mother I must have appeared to be....One who obviously didn't care about germs! :)


Once when the weather was getting nice I think around May of this year Coby was home from work and found the little red wagon. Corbin got in for a ride and we put Jackie in front and told him to hold tight to his little brother. We went on a little walk around our little culdasac. It was so cute, Corbin holding onto Jackie. I thought anyone watching had to be thinking the same thing..."what a cute family". I turned my head for one second and noticed that Jackie was no longer in the wagon but had fallen out and was silently screaming on the pavement. Of course, THEN the neighbors were all out and had just witnessed my "mother of the year" moment. Jackie got a little scratch on his head that I was afraid would scar permanently. I did eventually go away...but it seemed like it took about a month.



Jack has always gotten a kick out of seeing himself in any mirror. He must have known just how perfectly beautiful he really was. He would always slap the mirror and laugh with his head thrown back and his eyes shut. It was so fun to see. I miss that alot. I remember getting ready for the day in our bathroom upstairs and would hear him slapping our standing mirror and merrily laughing that cute grunty laugh. I would think, I should really wash the mirror when he takes a nap today. I never got a chance to do it. And unfortunately, someone cleaned the mirror before we came back and so I don't have those beautiful little prints to remind me. I still have one on our big mirror going up the stairs and I don't think I'll be able to wash it. I know that must sound crazy, but they are little reminders that he was here. That he was real. That he was my baby and I miss him more than anything.


Another thing he just loved to do was to be tossed into the air. Coby would throw him so high and I must admit it would make me a tichy nervous, but Jack just LOVED it! We play a game where Coby would be holding Jack facing out and then I'd be standing across from them and we'd both say, "one...two...three" and then throw Jack back and forth. He would get so excited as we started counting. I loved it. We got tired, but I'm sure he never did.


He loved brushing his 12 little teeth. He'd anxiously wait for me to get Corbin's electric Shrek toothbrush wet, put a dab of toothpaste on it and then he'd push the button to turn it on and just let the vibrating brush clean his little teeth. He was so smart. He knew just how to do it. I would tell him to do little things and he knew what I said and would do the action. For example, he always helped me get his bottle ready. He knew to pull the microwave door open, would slam it shut and then I'd press most of the buttons and then he'd finally push the Start button. Afterward, he'd look at me with such amazement. As if to say, "Did you see what I did, mom...did ya see??" I'd tell him to turn on and off the lights and he loved playing that game. That could go on and on until I had to distract him with something else. Rarely could we get things by without Jack noticing. He always noticed when we had a drink with a straw and could drink and drink until the cows came home. Fruit snacks were his favorite. If he noticed a fruit snack wrapper, he'd get it and bring it to me and grunt. I always had a stash on hand because he loved them so much.

He loved to drink anything out of a cup. He would begin to drink it, only he'd tip his head so far back that the whole cup of whatever was in the cup was all over him. He'd usually gasp and then look around to see if anyone else saw what happened and then laugh, dripping wet. He loved being wet. He loved water. He really loved taking baths with Corbin. He had so much fun letting Corbin dump water over his head over and over again. He loved splashing. It would seem that the more water he'd splash on whoever was holding him, the better. He sure got a kick out of that. I couldn't tell you how many times I would catch Corbin spraying some sort of water on him via the hose, a squirt gun, one time it was "urine out". And Jack just loved it. He loved Corbin so much. Any attention he got from Corbin was just fine with Jack. I feel bad that Corbin will miss out on that. On being Jack's big brother. We always used to say that Corbin had better watch out because Jack would soon be bigger than him and then he'd really be in trouble.

Coby's brother Ben, commented after the accident that he thought Jack loved to eat everything because he must have known his time was limited and he wanted to taste as many things as possible. I think Ben was right. Jack LOVED eating...obviously. There wasn't much he wouldn't eat. Sometimes that wasn't always a good thing. When I finally stopped nursing and switched Jack to formula, his little bowels had a hard time adjusting. My sweet little baby would get so "plugged" up that it would make me sad to see him trying to hard to trying and his little poopies out. I would pump his legs and talk to him. Once though, he pushed so hard that he literally ROCKET launched that little poopy all the way onto my pajama bottoms. It was gross, but I was so happy that it was out that it didn't bother me!

Just a couple months ago, he learned to blow. He would blow on each bite of his food, copying me or Coby as we were trying to feed him. It was so cute. He would do this little tiny puffs of air with those red lips of his. I loved seeing him do it.

I loved how it felt when he would hold my hand as we walked different places. He little head came up to exactly where my hands fell to my sides and I used to love to pull his soft little toe head into my legs and hug him. During church he was so cute. His favorite place to be was in the church gym with Corbin. I think he liked the echo he made while running through the empty, semi dark room, looking to see that I was chasing him. The joy I would see on his face made it impossible to be irritated that I was missing some important lesson during sacrament. I used to chase him and tell him,"Oh, you BETTER RUN...." and he'd laugh such a sweet and fun laugh and try to get as far away from me as possible. He'd run so fast without bending his knees and would usually fall because he was trying to turn around to see that I was still chasing him.

He loved to share. He was always sharing and was eager to do so willingly. I never met a child so willing. His last Sunday in church he and our cute neighbor, Taylor just played during sacrament with the plethera of food I brought to keep the kids busy. He would pick the fruity cheerios up and hold them and then just kindly hand them to Taylor who happily accepted. It was sweet to watch him.
He was so tenderhearted and sensitive. We never had to yell at him, just tell him "No" and he'd start crying. It would break our hearts, but it was so cute at the same time. If I yelled at Corbin, he'd cry because of the tension. Such an angel. He loved to give kisses. They were usually open mouthed kisses, but kisses still the same. I sure could use one of those right about now. How much longer until the millenium??????


When Jack was about 6 months old we went to Disneyland. It was at the beginning of December. We were standing in line for the new "Finding Nemo" ride. Corbin was taking a nap. Jack was in the Moby. Coby was bored and wanted to get an ice cream bar. I'm not a fan, but Jack sure was! He couldn't get enough of that Mickey Mouse ice cream bar we spent about $5 on! His eyes got HUGE with excitement and he mouth opened to probably it's FULL capacity. He wanted MORE and quicker the better. Coby and Jack shared that ice cream bar and entertained everyone around us in line.

Jack loved animals. He loved our dog Jasmine. He loved to sit on her and poke her eyes. The day after the funeral Coby and I were missing Jackie pretty bad. We were at the gravesite reading all the fun memories other people had of him and were crying pretty hard. All of the sudden a blond lab, with the color of Jack's hair came up out of no where. He was so excited to see us. He just wanted to play. He jumped on us and licked us (it's a good thing we like dogs) and then sat there looking at us as if to say, "C'mon...let's play...!" Coby and I were so taken back that we both started laughing at this crazy dog. Then as we started laughing, the dog just ran away. We don't know where that dog came from or who he belonged to, as there was no one else there. We just looked at each other and said, "That's Jackie". I don't mean that we thought Jack was a dog, just that Jack sent that dog with blond fur to cheer us up and lift our spirits. I did work for a few minutes anyway.

31 comments:

Ang said...

Oh, Tiff, what wonderful memories. I wish I could take some of that pain for you.

Just me! said...

I read on the Daily Scoop about your recent loss. I have no clue what you are going through at this time but I have to tell you a few things. Your Jack is so adorable!! Those cheeks look so kissable...and what a beautiful baby!! You have been in my thoughts and prayers. I know everyone says that but really seeing those pictures of you and your beautiful baby brings me to tears. Thank goodness for the gospel and the sweet spirit that can put a band-aid on your heart and slow the tears, so life can be somewhat bearable. Keep writing all your memories of your Jack. Those are priceless! Keep your head up....I'm sure Jack wants you to be happy. Be happy for him...he is with his Heavenly Father again.

xoxo
Kami

Lanae said...

Oh my gosh, he's such an angel. I swear, those cheeks, (and those butt cheeks, too!), that little laugh, there's just so much to love about that little boy. I love that you're writing and posting all of your memories about Jackie.
I'm so glad we're close by and that we can still hang out; I always love seeing you and catching up. I'm so glad you and Coby (and everyone) is learning more about where Jack is right now; it's such a wonderful feeling to know that we are surrounded by... these sweet little angels.
Loved seeing you today; you look beautiful as always; sorry about the m&m's all over the place; see you again soon... love ya bebe.
Little

Sommer said...

I loved all of the memories! They were great and brought a big smile to my little schlimey face! Keep putting them down because I love reading them! Lub you!

Posh Ideas said...

Tiff,
Thanks for sharing your memories! What a guy. He truly loved life to the fullest measure. I think we all need to be more like Jack! Taking it easy and living in the moment. What an amazing example he was to all of us.
xoxo
Amber

Danielle said...

You don't know me, but I found your blog through another friend. I am so sorry for your loss. Your little Jack is so adorable and precious. What a beautiful family you have! I have been praying for you and will continue to do so.

Anonymous said...

It seems unfair to point out just one memory because I loved them all. However, I love all your nicknames and songs...You are the most darling mom! I hope it helps you to share...I know it helps me and I'm sure the army of people that know and love you. So thank you.
-Camille

Janee said...

What wonderful memories of your sweet boy! Thanks so much for sharing them, they really touched my heart.

Brittni Schroeder Photography said...

That was so sweet. What a sweet little boy!

Destry said...

Hi, you don't know me...I found your blog through another.

When I read the part about the songs that you sang to Jack...I gasped outloud.

From the time she was a few months old we have called our youngest daughter (Cammie) "muffin". Somehow, that turned into "muffalatta"...and that turned into a little song that we sing to her "Cammie pa-tata muff-a-latta".

I will say a prayer for you and your family and smile a little smile for your sweet baby every time I sing that song to my daughter.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I pray that the you would be comforted and find peace.

Caralee said...

So beautiful. Thank you, Thank you!
I've been thinking the same thing that Kami said...I think Jack wants you to be happy. I'm sure some days are easier than others, and its ok to take it as it comes. I love that you are willing to share all the love you have for your sweet little Jackie. I love to read your cute memories!
love,
Caralee

Dianne said...

What beautiful pictures of Jack! Thank you for sharing the pictures and memories of him. We are praying daily for your family that your burdens will be lighter and that you'll be able to go from day to day just a little bit easier. Corbin is another angel that you have here. He'll find ways to help you get through. He is adorable. Let us know if we can help in any way.

Dianne

Cindy said...

I love reading stories of your little Jackie. My eyes fill up with tears each time read them. You can tell how much he was loved by everyone who came into contact with him. Tiff, I 'm thinking of you and wish I could take some of your pain away.

Erin said...

hey tiffany, this is erin from the gym. i happened upon your blog from stephanies. i loved reading your memories of your sweet boy. he is very dearly loved, you can tell! im so sorry for what you are going through. please let me know if i can do anything for you!

Larsen said...

He is so cute. He reminds me a lot of my Gavy Bear. And it's funny i would make up crazy songs to sing to him to. I feel a lot in common with you. When you are ready, email me. I would love to get together.

Gavin's Mom
Michelle

Bergeson Family said...

Such sweet memories! We love you guys...lots and lots!

Sue said...

That's so wonderful that you are documenting all your memories of your sweet baby boy while they are still fresh. I hope that they will bring you comfort through time.

Melanie said...

My heart truly breaks for you. While I can't imagine the pain you must go through, as a mother I can surely sympathize.

I also smile with you because I too have made up funny nicknames for my children and they change daily. My little Maggie started out as Margorie (by her brother) we made that into Pargorie and the Parge. I call her Maggie Loo and that became Little Loo Loo and that went into simply Loo.

Graham started out as Biggie Bad (don't rememeber why) and then Maggie started calling him Biggie Bad Booshay. Then it's BB.

Allison was simply Alli until she became Al then because of her graceful nature we call her Grace. Then she became the racecar. (No idea)

Julianna when she was born, Graham couldn't say her name, instead he said Noo-Nee- Nana. That went to Noon, then Poon, then Poonie, and Noon Woon. Then simply Noonie.

Isn't it funny how we tag on these silly names? It's a way of claiming them as our own.

You are such an inspiration!!

{Brittany} said...

Thanks for sharing your memories of Jack and your beautiful pictures. He is gorgeous! I also loved the cute nicknames and songs you made up for him. You are such a cute mom!

Thanks for tonight! It was so wonderful to spend time with you. You are a complete joy even during this time of sorrow in your life. I hope we can do it again soon.

Brittany

Unknown said...

I look at your blog everyday just hoping to see new bloggins about Jack. I was so excited that you added more memories of him! keep them coming! I absolutely love reading them. I love guys! xoxox

Melanie Bingham said...

Speaking of stellar mother moments; fair warning out there to other people while reading your blog. I completely burned the french toast for my kids becasue I was reading your blog on my laptop in the kitchen this morning. So burned they were about on fire. woops.

I am so happy to hear there is some laughter between the tears. Somehow that gives the rest of us hope. You are an inspiration.

love
Melanie

mnhvance said...

Dear Rich Family,

Coby I don't know if you remember me or not, but I used to live down the street from you in the Brighton 2 Ward, Haleigh Gustaveson. I'm a Vance now. I used to play with Ben in elementary school. Anyway, I was blog hopping around some of my friends and family's blogs and came across yours. As I read the heartbreaking news about your beautiful boy, I wept and wept. It literally broke my heart. I cried for such a long time. You see, I have four kids, and one of them is just about a month older than your Jack. He has blonde hair too and an infectious smile, and looks so much like your baby. Last night as I read all of your entries on Jack and was bawling, I went into my baby's room and just stared at him while he slept, imagining your pain and loss and wondering how much agony I would go through if it ever happened to me. I guess what I'm saying is - you're truly amazing and the Lord had to have sent one of his most precious and choice children to your family if he was needed back in heaven so soon. I love your Jack without ever seeing him or knowing him, and wish I could do something for your family. My heart literally goes out to you. I have been praying for you and will continue to pray for you. I wish you all of the best as this chapter of your life closes and a new one opens, for the Lord will continue to bless you as He has in the past. You are a beautiful family and I think you are just amazing to keep going like you are with such faith and endurance.

~Haleigh

emily said...

I don't know you but I found your blog and I cried so hard reading about your loss. I'm so sorry. I have a 10 mo old. Your family is so beautiful and, I can tell, so strong. My heart aches to know that you have to go through this. Be strong and know that random people are praying for you and your family

Katy said...

Tiff, those are some priceless memories, we love you! Lets get together this week.

Anonymous said...

Tiffany-

I found your blog through my friend Molly Jackson. I was on her blog and read you had gone to dinner with her and then clicked on your blog and recognized you. I know we were roommates in Provo for a semester. I lived upstairs with Cheryl and you lived with Erica if my memory is correct? I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. Your memories and pictures are priceless. I would love to get in touch with you again. I would love to hear from you. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Love, Kathryn (Schiess)

Mandie said...

I love you Tif and Coby. I love hearing and reading about Jack. We call our Summer lots of crazy names, Munser Muncher is my favorit. She loved playing with Jack in relief society, I was always sad when Coby had him. We'de try to trap them in the corner and make a huge mess of both kids toys and food and he'd lead the way out anyways and Summer would always follow. Always. I felt really lonely in there with out you. We pray for you every night.

abbyandcompany said...

Only someone who lived in N. O. would know what a moofalata is! I think that pic of Jack and Corbin in the jogger is the funniest picture I have ever seen. It looks like Jack is missing his neck! Hilarious. Ironically he is holding jett puffed marshmallows in the first pic, and his legs look like jett puffed marshmallows. I am only going to say this once- i wish I lived in utah so that I could have spent more time with you and Jackie-it hurts my heart knowing how much pain you and coby are going through right now. I am constantly praying for you both and thinking about you all the time.

XOXO

Mimi's Toes said...

I love reading about your little Angel Jackie. I am so glad you have the handprint on the mirror. I love to see my grand-kids handprints on things. How awesome to have that dog come to your when you needed it. God will give you dreams of your precious son and when you wake, it is like you were with him. My heart still aches for you and I am still praying for you to continue to have strength.

Barrett, Melinda, Angel Trinity, and Baby Zander said...

I didn't realize just how recent your loss for your little man was...as I was passing our 1 year mark from Trinity's death, you were starting your journey down this road of grief. I am so sorry you lost your precious and completely adorable little boy. The first year for me was a very difficult year. All the first's without Trinity here just broke my heart over and over again. THanks for your sweet words on the "Angel Blog"...I'm glad you, along with many others (including me) have that blog to go to when we need the true and understanding ears and hearts to be there for us. Hang in there and never feel bad about any of the feelings you may feel or go through during this grieving journey. Come to all of us "Angel Moms" to vent to when ever you need it. All my love -Melinda Adams (Mother to my Angel Trinity)

Brittany said...

I don't really "know" why we have been asked to bear such burdens as losing our children. Jack is so beautiful. I have all the same pics of Daxton. I hope they are companions and that they know how much we love them and miss them. I pray for the day that I will see him again and try to bury my head in the sand in the meanwhile :). I can't really think of him being gone from me because it really unnerves me. Loves

Michelle Arnett said...

So much love to you today on Christmas. Hope you were able to find some "merry" in your Christmas. Loves.